46. Why Panic?
Experiencing a theophany is not something that occurs every day. The thought of it occupied my mind almost day and night. What had happened must have been orchestrated by an unseen, supernatural power. I knew the power was God, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. But who was I to entertain such ‘high-flying’ thoughts? How easily could these thoughts lead to pride, spiritual arrogance and a lust for power and glory for myself. I almost headed in that direction as I read the Advertiser newspaper. One of my special numbers (153) was mentioned in an article about a quarter-final football match.
In Outlook Express, the Microsoft Email program, I formed a small ‘Group of Five’ (two members of the Upper House in Parliament, two journalists and the Family Standards Organisation) and emailed the following on Sept. 29th 02:
Listening to a message by our pastor from 11/7/99 on Habakkuk I think I now can put a name to the strange events surrounding my life. He spoke of a "Theophany". I'll come back to it later.
The Crows and Port lost yesterday. The bubble burst, the dream has evaporated. Did anybody think that because God is working in Adelaide HE will influence a football match? I did last weekend. On Friday I expressed my dismay about the small number (15300) of Port supporters getting tickets for the quarter-final. The numbers 153 was a sure sign for me that I can predict how many people would be there - 35 000, I bet.
Well, I was wrong. God is totally sovereign. HE controls events to the last detail. As soon as we humans try to manipulate HIM, we are out of order. Only 27 000 turned up that Friday night. But what about the result of the Crows on the Saturday - 20.10? I learned my lesson. HE must be glorified in and through us. Anyone showing off and wanting even the slightest bit of credit is displaying pride, something God abhors.
Since joining the oldest continuing male voice choir in Australia the "Adelaide Liedertafel 1858", I have enjoyed myself immensely. My first appearance was at the National Saengerfest at Mount Barker in June this year. During the rehearsal of the songs on Sunday Morning I could hardly sing a note. The words of those sacred songs kept leaping off the page. My eyes were truly "tear-drop blinded" and my throat choking with emotion. Luckily not many noticed and the actual afternoon performance went OK. Until the very end when I needed my handkerchief - "Guide me o thou Great Jehova".
Other songs in our repertoire we sing presently are:
"The battle hymn of the republic" (truth is marching...yesterdays quiz in the 'tiser asked for the name of the hymn writer of this song).
"Der taeumende See" - the dreaming lake. It could also mean someone who is dreaming and seeing things??
My brain is making many other connections, but I will not bother you with these.
The highlight and grand finale of our recent anniversary concert was - "When I survey the wondrous cross". What an invitation at the end: (God's amazing love) ....demands my soul, my life, my all. How well this fits in with the invitation on my last crash (7) - Please yield, give HIM your all.
Those three letters "all" have become a symbol of the "Theophany". On the intro on my website is a picture. With a little imagination you could read - a C all. My daughter and her friends from Uni formed a business called Fifth Floor about 3 years ago. They designed this intro page and made other changes. I had no idea how it would come out. I was their first paying customer; it cost me $ 700.00.
Theophany is a Greek term broadly meaning "God shows up". It is used to describe events that are supernaturally wrought by God. Without boasting am I out of order to say that through the actions of a "mentally unstable" driving instructor God is giving us a message? The message is: "Turn from lies (sin) - receive my love and you will find peace. I am coming very soon. Please yield, give ME your all."
The way HE has organized this has astounded me most of all. Even Evie's song, backing crash 7, is in perfect timing. The dogs bark when she sings "I'm so afraid". Yes, my eyes were tear-drop blinded and how sweet it is to TRUST you. Jesus I believe what you said. Had I conjured up this whole saga, worked on the timing of the (real and animated) car crashes and made sure I get the right scriptures lined up with number plates etc., I would be a genius "Einstein MC2" plus. (Plus I could be accused of causing the death of three people).
But I know who I am: plain, average, not even successful in publishing a book or able to get my kids to come to church. Isobel still does not even consider looking at any of these connections. Simply, because this type of thing to her is a sign of the return of my mental illness. If I press a point or I get worked up, she is likely going to call the Mental Crisis team and I land back in hospital. It happened twice before. The second time I got excited because God showed me that the L must come before the P, even though 2. Tim. 1, 7 lists Power before Love. Had I resisted the government officers I would have been arrested. I went willingly and would do it again for the sake of seeing God's will done. HIS strength is made perfect in weakness. How wonderful!
Through all this we are more than conquerors through HIM who loved us.
Kind regards and God bless
I had to remind myself to be praying for the Lord to ‘make’ me humble. Anyone contemplating praying this prayer ought to think carefully. This request often gets answered, if spoken with a sincere heart. There are no courses on humility, no seminars available or order-forms, where you fill in your credit card numbers and receive the item in the mail. Humility is an attitude obtained through total abandonment to God and HIS sovereign will. Whatever the cost, not giving myself totally to God, or not obeying HIS will, I had never considered as an option.
The magic of the finale of Crash 7 took a along time to wear off, if it ever will. To watch cars colliding with a screech and a crash, while in between the most famous of scriptures in the New Testament is shown, was a rather unusual concept. The audio backing with Evie’s song, the somewhat quieter bee’s buzzing, followed by total silence as the name of Jesus comes onto the screen, had me spellbound many times.
One morning I contemplated if other people were visiting my site and became mesmerized as I was. Would many follow the invitation to ‘Give HIM their all’? I never considered a ‘site counter’ as I relied on God to guide people to the page; how many hits I was getting did not interest me. It was none of my worry. As I looked I noticed something interesting. The email to my group of five takes up the story:
Again I woke early with a new revelation that could also be a pure co-incident. If these links in my brain are from my own mind and have no meaning, then God is very cruel to me. But I know him better than that.
Crash seven is meant to turn people from lies. This morning I looked further down and saw the n in the word panic. A n i c, can you too? There is only one letter difference between Liddy and Lindy.
The word yield is the equivalent of "give way" in the US. Can you see the question in that word?
If Peter Liddy is guilty of all the accusations against him I trust that my correspondence with him will lead him to repent. But I also call our lawmakers and society to account for hypocrisy. Peter got 25 years for alleged anal intercourse with underage boys. Yet, as soon as those boys are old enough society and the law gives them their blessing to enjoy their "alternative" lifestyle. We even have a Minister of Tourism who wants to attract the people living this lifestyle into our City. Sacrifice morals for mammon, what's new?
There was a man with NO FLAW that had only ONE GOAL in mind: the good of mankind. Why did they reject and kill HIM?
Yet in HIS amazing love and mercy He still forgives. He sees that many do not know what they do. Their eyes blinded. But HE specialises in opening blind eyes.
Those who wilfully reject HIM will see HIS wrath. Sept. 11th will be like an overture to a symphony of horrors. Let us pray that the people of Australia are willing to have their eyes opened. The U-Turn must start with an act of repentance.
God bless Australia
Your safety is driving P L us
PS I just noticed in my article "Speeding Learner - update" (Dec. 01) that the girl who obtained her licence on the 12th had her accident on the 15th, three days later. Another one of those cruel co-incidences.
300150:3=100050:5=20010. Psalm 139, 17 says is rather poetically: How precious also are your thoughts towards me oh, God. How great is the sum of them. If I should count them they would be more in number than the sand.
Why had I chosen the word Panic to link with ‘Lies’ on Crash 7 finale? Without the P the remainder a.n.i.c was such an obvious letter sequence which I had to question. The ONE GOAL and NO FLAW I took from headlines in the Advertiser’s front page. Yes I had one goal in mind, people to be saved. The other headline I modified from the word FLOW. It was a story about the lack of water flow in the Upper Murray River System. I looked long and hard at the word flow, before I decoded it by changing the letter o to a. Yes, Christ is a man with ‘no flaw’.
Above letter was my strongest reference to God as the judge of those who reject him. People may label me a ‘gay-basher’ writing strong words as in above letter. No, I don’t hate anyone, love is not conditional. It is the act that is despicable, not the deceived people perpetrating them. God loves sinner. He throws a party in heaven every time one of HIS lost sheep is found. But HE can never condone sin or immorality. What men sow that they will also reap.
Towards October 2002 I was preparing for my trip to Germany. No, I did not win any money, nor was I fleeing from anything or anyone. My mother was going to turn 90 on Nov. 9th. My email traffic with the media as well as the start of my website dieterfischer.com kept me distracted from my travel preparations right up to the last few days before departure.
After the discovery of the theophany I felt urged to tell my story to anyone willing to listen. I had started writing it in first person singular ready to be uploaded onto dieterfischer.com. My P/C was the best way to release the facts, the thoughts and co-incidences. Electronics don’t question any theories or laugh at incredible statements or rubbish any complex linking. Since no journalists ever contacted me, I had to publish the story myself. The internet was ideal, cheap with a possible worldwide audience.
Early October I emailed the group of five:
I made another mistake. In a recent email I mentioned that allca on my splash page could mean "a see all". But that is again drawing attention to myself which is not right. I think God meant it to mean: A call. Firstly his call (wake up) to us and secondly our need to response to HIM.
Under much agonizing I have taken steps to upload dieterfischer.com. In August last year I felt God was saying to me to register my name. The 17 500 words will initially only cover my background, my migrating and the struggle with the government log book, the blunder by the government (yes there will be red faces) and my mental breakdowns.
Any statement I make must be viewed in the light of this illness. Bit like learners, with 'L plates' you get away with murder.
I don't know if the stress of it all has given me this gastro. After a sleepless night I did a lesson and test, but felt terrible. I intended to walk up to an MLC's office (DL) and tell her about Jesus forgiveness. I look at it this way:
In a theatre play you follow the script. There are glamour roles and others that have to act the badie. I happen to live at 24 Goodall. But when the curtain is raised at the final act all characters are applauded. Some perhaps more than others. But it is the director who must get the highest praise for thinking it all up. And you never see him either.
I wonder if DL has Christian friends?
Unfortunately the law is not as forgiving as me. Those embarrassed by my book may still face consequences. But God is just, he will forgive a Ben Laden, a Sadam or a Martin Bryant. In a few days (God willing) I'll be in Italy. Last time I was in Rome, it was there I heard how he killed 35 people. Wouldn't it be grand if we would see some headlines that are the result of people moving in the opposite direction. (Actually there has been heaps already, thank to some believers in the right places).
I will be unavailable until Oct 11th, then you can reach me at ... Actually no, I don't receive much real mail anyway.
I shall pack my bags. Back Nov. 13th. 2002 to face the music
PS. What is the most important word in this scripture? If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. I bet you thought all. No way, it is just.
Martin Bryant was a disturbed young man who killed 35 people in a Café of the popular Tourist attraction ‘Port Arthur’ in Southern Tasmania. No one noticed his accumulation of semi-automatic rifles, one of which he used to commit one of the worst crimes in Australia’s history.
The person I was referring to as D.L. I felt was responsible for my ‘official persecution’. I had no proof of this and held no grudges towards her. Perhaps it was part of the illness I had suffered from? I would have enjoyed nothing better than to talk to her about the Lord, lead her in a prayer of repentance and to trust God for forgiveness.
After all, if I would have not been feeling gagged, ostracized and paranoid, perhaps I never would have developed the strength and energy to launch into my mission with such zeal for God. I may never have created my website, wrote all the road safety material and perhaps never proclaimed Jesus as a winner in such unusual style.
If I was to actually tell all on my personal website, I knew I would have to ‘whistle blow’ about some unpleasant events which would embarrass some big names. I was scared to do this. But I had not come this far and then pull back. Certain tasks are less than desirable, but they must be done. Reporting what wonderful things God had done in my life was not the unpleasant task. It was to disclose the evil that had taken place.
The idea of just getting my internet provider to place the material on the website while I was away overseas seemed a perfect solution. By the time I was to return the wrath of those guilty and embarrassed may have died away. At the same time I was afraid that this anger would be poured out onto my son Tim, 19 and my wife, who were to be alone for 5 ½ weeks. Now I realized why it was a good idea that Isobel was unaware the seriousness of what I was doing. She would be worried to death.
The thought entered my mind that if I was getting enough paid customers to show Isobel a sum of money in the bank, it may surprise her to the degree that she actually would read my material and believe. This is one reason I was going to charge for entering the site. In the back of my mind, I admit, there was also the hunch that perhaps this was my big financial break. Perhaps God was going to bless me with big dollars? There are many people in the world trusting God for one reason only: they want his blessings, preferably in cash.
On October 2nd, three days before our departure to Europe I emailed Rebekah:
Please not that our Message-interpreting-and-decoding Department will be in recess from 5.10 until 15.11.02 Urgent enquiries can be adressed to our NewCland Branch. Please ask for Habbakuk on extention 15. Alternatively, read Isaiah Ph. 55-59 and make up your own mind.
God bless and kind regards
PS You want a PS as well? OK then. Thanks for that scripture today - Heb. 13.5 True I can't handle money very well. But I am a quick learner...!!
The scripture was the daily reading on the Advertiser’s ‘Letters to the Editor’ page. ("...be content with such things as you have").
I sensed all along that there is some interest for what I have to say. Yet, because I had not received any kind of public recognition or acceptance, doubts were always present, especially when I felt physically exhausted through lack of sleep. No-one ever came up to me and said: “Those car crashes online are …” Maybe no-one ever took any notice? I wonder if no comment is worse than a negative comment.
Looking back now, the timing for telling the first part of the story would have been wrong at that point. There were too many mistakes in the text. Also, if there was to be a backlash to what I had written, I would have to be present to be accountable.
How many times had I been impatient in the past and acted prematurely using my own wisdom. Needless to say I never achieved much that way. Why panic when you can commit your affairs to a God who sees, hears and knows us better than we do ourselves? Trust is the word.
My email signature includes Pro 35+. Proverbs Chapter 3, Verses 5 plus 6. Please note that both verses include the little word all.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge HIM and he will direct your path”.
Autobiography - Dieter Fischer
1. More in number 2. A sound mind 3. Now I'm found 4. Candle and the Wind
5. Realm of Nature 6. All in his Hand 7. The Wonder of it All 8. To Think God loves